Punch Drunk Wonderland

The Fantasy Manager’s Lament

Going back over fantasy football related emails over the years there has been a common thread. At the beginning of the season there is the ecstasy and jubilation of a new fantasy football season. The long trudge through the offseason is over. It’s time to put all of that research and genius that you’ve kept behind closed doors to work. This season is gonna be awesome! Alas, there is more than one reason it’s called “fantasy” football. Soon the leaves begin to fall and a general loathing Fantasy Football Enjoyment Meterand hatred for players begins to emerge…first it’s a hatred for other manager’s players and then it’s a hatred for your own under producing schmucks. You find yourself spending unreasonable amounts of time scouring fantasy related resources trying to find that nugget of info about your fuck head players or that free agency goldmine that only you, the fantasy mastermind, are smart enough to find. You begin to find that you just hate them all. The good players that have shitty weeks. The supposed sure things that have done nothing but occupy space on your roster. The “rollercoasters”. The “yo-yos”. And, with the cold weather comes the cold cold fantasy heart. Is it inhuman to wish the entire Dallas Cowboys team go down in a plane crash? Your fantasy team either sucks, is doing well, or is somewhere in between. Regardless, that place in your fantasy football heart that was a warm spring of love for fantasy and the players you were going to lead to the promised land has turned to a cold black stone. You just want to throw that stone through the under producing collective grill of the assholes on your fantasy team. Fuck fantasy football. Die in a fire.



K. Smelser About K. Smelser
Kelly Smelser is Owner/Senior Writer for Punch Drunk Wonderland and PDFantasy Sports. Architect of the PDW fantasy football world and general spinster of NFL and Fantasy Football news and analysis. Long walks on the beach, sunsets, and other such niceties are also fine...