Punch Drunk Wonderland

Week 11 Fantasy Football Poem – “Dear DeAngelo”

DeAngelo WilliamsIt’s getting down to the wire for fantasy owners fighting for playoff positions, and sometimes a little extra work is required to get those much needed wins. Below is a poem from our primary Punch Drunk Wonderland fantasy football league. As context, the poem is from the owner a team called I Need A Miracle (or simply “Miracle”) who is facing a team called ShortBus. Going into Week 11 Monday Night Football Miracle needs DeAngelo Williams to come up with 11.4 points to clinch the win. All playoff hopes fade away if “Mr. Williams” can’t come through…

Dear DeAngelo,

Mr. Williams,
Your day is past.
Your nose is soft.
You’re not so fast
As you once were
To my demure
To pick you up
My loss to cure
Off the waiver wire
Does that inspire
You to run
Like your ass on fire?
But could I ask
Just one small thing
Of you tonight
You’d make me sing
For one hundred
And twenty yards.
Is that so hard?
Is it in the cards?
Or two but simple
Short touchdowns.
For which I’d spill
A fifth of Crown
For my dead homeys
And all their cronies
But fuck the phonies
And their cojones
Like CJ Spiller
And Arian Foster
Worth bench filler
And an empty roster
But I digress
And forget the point
From twelfth fucking place
I would anoint
My boys a win
And to playoffs send
Them flying through
The Short Bus to
Whomever I play
Next goddamn week
When yet again
A Miracle I seek

This is likely the result of fantasy football fervor combined with reading Dr. Seuss to your children at night. Ah, late season fantasy mania.

K. Smelser About K. Smelser
Kelly Smelser is Owner/Senior Writer for Punch Drunk Wonderland and PDFantasy Sports. Architect of the PDW fantasy football world and general spinster of NFL and Fantasy Football news and analysis. Long walks on the beach, sunsets, and other such niceties are also fine...